For the ATL, GA concert at the masquerade. please contact me if you have one!!

I haven’t done this in a while… My hands are numb. So numb. I have a secret. A deep dark secret that I don’t think I’ll ever actually be able to confide in anyone. I will always, always, always wonder “What if…?”. 

What if… you were still here? What if… we met? What if… we spent time together? What if… I loved you… like really loved you? What if… you loved me back? 

As ashamed as this secret makes me feel, I can’t help but wonder. Even if we were meant to be together somehow, I could take that and know it, as painful as it may be… just to have you here still with me. I don’t care, you were here. 

Everything seemed to have been timeless. So why aren’t you still here?

There is your senior picture on my shelf, the frame that you sent me hangs on my wall, the necklaces you gave me sit in my jewelry box, your graduation announcement is in my drawer… the packages you sent them all in… they’re here too. 

But… where are you? Where? Your laugh, your voice, and if I had your touch… it’d still linger too. My heart though, it was touched and even though you now hold it… I wish you could hold it right in front of me. 

Tell me I’m beautiful. Just once more. Just one more time. I need it. Fuck. I need you. I want you. My best friend. My brother. Please. I need you more than I even know myself. 

How? Why? For what? I don’t know, I just do. Thank you James. You were an idiot… but I met my angel on earth through you, so thank you. I’ll never regret any of it. 

I wonder what it would all be like if you were still here Michael. Come home, to my heart. Please just hold it in front of me. Even if only for a moment. 

I love you, everlastingly. Eternally.